Notes

Pieces falling against my skin

Sharp edges and crumbled bits

Fading words deaf to the world

Truth flows from the creases folding on and on

The paper weights won’t keep them down

I fly with each piece each word

Sharp edges won’t stop me

Pain made me into notes the notes that flow

Words that soar and go 

Paper smooth across my floating soul

Notes of me

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Flesh

I want to tear through my flesh

Until the blood drips clear

No mending, no pain

Swarming around as my body lays

The puddle so deep no longer red

Disappearing as I take my last breath

I’ve been dead

Woven

The nerving wreckage between my hands, the bleeding shards of memories 

I don’t want to breathe and feel the scars crushing my soul

Sinking and swimming I continue though I fail a thousand times

Love keeps me going to salvage my own identity

It keeps me alive inside otherwise my own corpse would be my shadow

Walking each step forward and several back then forward again

My feathers frayed and I still try to fly… I do

Differentiate the Obvious

Many of you whom have read my blogs and closely paid attention know that I am one of many advocates for mental health. Not only do I acknowledge that in this world “mental health” is a serious issue I also am open minded enough not to judge a book by its cover and wise enough to know the difference between a person who needs help with their “mental health” and/or a person who is just plain “cold hearted”.

Obviously we have both. However our media tends to glorify the individuals that have either hurt or killed many people over these past and recent events. The media should stop giving copy cat killers the advantage. This goes beyond “mental health”. If we are to as a society help put and end to these atrocities we have to be one step ahead. One of those main steps is stop giving these “cold hearted” type personalities glorification. 

So many want to make excuses for these sick individuals but I will say this: We ALL have our stories of having survived abuse or bullying and many of us NEVER attempted or killed anyone. This is where my belief that it’s not just “mental health” comes in. Please acknowledge that sometimes a person is just that “cold hearted”. Sometimes I am just sick of the excuses that society plays out. 

Do I care about a killers background story? Damn right I do! However I differentiate the obvious.

Please spread love and peace in the names of anyone that has ever been abused, raped, murdered…………………. 

People

People

I could claw at my being the way your hate burns me from the inside out

Turning one to one to another against each other through fetishes of turmoil

You make me want to crawl into a hole because the darkness of it outshines what you show the world

Escape will never come until I’m gone but until then I fight

I fight against the hate, the bigotry, the world as it presents itself regardless of ethnicity

Until my last breath I will be myself, I will be human

Go ahead and categorize me without knowing me

At least when I die I will have died knowing that I gave a shit

Pure fucking compassion

That’s me

Always crying for People

People that don’t give a shit

But I do……I always will

I love you all

I want to love me too

So please let me

 

No Forgiveness Deserved

With everything that has been in the news whether whole truth or partial truth because lets face it who the hell knows what to believe anymore in the media, I find myself fuming. 

There are two subjects that hit me hardest and that is: Abuse and Child Molesters (Rapists, Pedophiles, whatever the hell it’s the same damn category)……..

As I am not a violent person I cannot begin to describe how it upsets me when people that have done these things get away with it. Some of you may think I am crazy for saying this but I believe in capital punishment especially for child molesters, rapists, etc. 

I sit here and I try to type and cannot even think clearly because it bothers me so. Not only did I endure abuse but I was molested too by a man I wish was dead. Many people out there have their stories and yet no amount of therapy and no amount of support can ever take those memories away. 

Forgiveness is so easily thrown into sentences, forgiveness to go on, forgiveness not necessarily for the perpetrator but for yourself so you can move on. Advice greatly appreciated. I’m still not able to forgive. I cannot forgive what still haunts me.

I want to tell any of you that have been abused or molested/raped that it is not your fault. You have to make sure you keep telling yourself that. 

This is harder than I thought writing on this. I’m sorry. If any of you are still haunted just know that someone somewhere out there cares. I do. I care. I may be a stranger but we all have our stories. 

For all you abusers and child molesters out there I hope you all fucking rot. Capital punishment in the form of public hanging should never have been outlawed because people like yourselves who abuse and molest/rape people deserve to die and deserve no forgiveness. I’m not sorry for stating this. I’m speaking on behalf of survivors!!!! 

 

 

 

 

Mist

To walk into a room empty with space and time still 

No laughter no movement just numbness 

A mist upon the air I walk through

Reaching for a hand that is not mine nor there

I breathe deeply and fall slowly through the floor

The sound resonates with me as it all disappears

Trapped in a time capsule in my mind I stare 

Sheets of bright light float around my body as echos whisper

Hold on I tell myself as I’m in a trance listening

The mist lifts me closer to the light away from what

 

 

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