Life Update

Hello everyone, I hope you all are well and continuing with your writings and endeavors amid the pandemic and everything else going on in the world. It has been awhile but I decided to pour out my heart and give an update. With that said I shall begin. 

This year has been a rollercoaster that I am riding curves and all. I ended up ending my studies to become a Personal Trainer due to failing the test multiple times hence my learning disability and I decided instead of giving the company I did my studies through any more money I would end the goal. Maybe it was not meant for me. Believe me when I say there are signs everywhere for all of us and it is what you make of it. There is a reason for everything and sometimes you really have to just go with the flow no matter the struggles and make the best of it. Then I got on with a company at the end of January with employment as a Call Center Agent and I will not disclose the name of the company. I bought a used new vehicle my biggest purchase ever in life considering the few I was grateful for prior to this one but this is a better family vehicle as well. I felt proud. Then I decided to enter college again to pursue a second degree only this time in Criminal Justice with the hopes of one day working for the Center for Missing and Exploited children. I had all these goals and everything planned out. Then I quit my job June 8th. I decided that I was not going to allow officials within a company to demean my mental and emotional state referring to me as “aggressive” when I was being “assertive”. I ended up having to withdraw from the two classes this fall I was going to take and it really bummed me out. I had everything going for me especially the accommodation letter for my learning disability. Elated was beyond how I felt about this and only to have to throw it away because I made a choice to quit a job I actually loved and felt more confident than I ever had. However due to the way the company was being run and the attitude from certain higher up officials I had to weigh what was most important. My mental and emotional well being. I was always able to take constructive criticism but in no way will I in this life let people demean me any longer. My ex-stepfather did enough damage to me in my life when I was a child/adolescence with the abuse I endured at his hands. Up to now in life I had my fair share of others damaging me in other ways. At 39 years old I will save what is left of myself while I am still here on this earth. It doesn’t make me weak just because I kindly quit. For any of you that have also had this happen none of you are weak. You get to a point in life where you realize your worth. Never let anyone take that from you. So that is what I did I took my worth back and said no I will not allow this. Currently I am making a plan on keeping my online store of crafts and soon I will be setting up a booth at a local flea market and also continuing to write poetry etc. Maybe one day I can get a book of poetry together and give some of the proceeds to victims of abuse, childrens homes, cancer research, autoimmune disease research and whatever else I can donate to plus make profit for my family. Right now all I know is that I will not give up. My therapist told me the other day that I am a “go getter”. You know what? My therapist is right because persevering is in my blood and many of you have that within yourselves too so please never give up. There is always a light within everything. Follow your heart and never let people take your voice and happiness away. Everyone has a story just remember you can always start a new chapter. 

Peace, Love, and Light,

Sara-Loretta Hardin

Waste of Time

Some people focus too much on others lives when they should focus on their own, clean their own front doors. Instead of pulling out others flaws why don’t you pull out your own, instead of tearing others down, why don’t you do something productive with your own lives? Own up to your own mistakes and fix those first. Before any individual has the right to even open their mouths and speak on behalf of another individuals life it’s time to fact check ones own life. Start within, not outside, then maybe just maybe this world would be a better place. 

Peace, Love, and Light,

Sara-Loretta Hardin

Fool

Escalation within

Figuring myself out 

As a hidden beam behind a concrete wall

The surface mostly hard to break

Yet inside crumbles

Forcing to shift my emotions

Unscathed though broken

A barrier within I cannot ignore

No crossing unless I allow

Fair warning if breached

I’m not a hollow fool

Petals

Silkened smooth to ones touch 

Careful not to let the frigid hands disturb

Imprints of life as the dew drops

Each cascading down the very last crease

It begins a new line a new form either life or decay

What you make of the subtle drops

You can only catch in the hands

Time it is what can make a difference

From the time it drops to the time the petal retracts

Only to find that there is nothing in between 

Trust

The tower of trust lays before me

Broken barriers of deceit

Once formed so delicately like a ladder uphill

A trickle of betrayal is all it takes

Then one by one the rest breaks

One wonders why certain emotions are forefront

Yet fail to understand the pain

It’s better to let one think you trust them

Never sharing you do or don’t 

Call it paranoia 

I call it my own sanctuary 

 

Mosaic

Colorful patterns intertwined beyond curves

Just like life with it’s obstacles and imperfections

Yet beautiful like reflections of the sun

We dream for a world that aims to be

Just that but we have to start within

Mosaics are one of a kind delicately pieced

As are we as humans on earth

Pieced together with stories and dreams

Sometimes alone or standing out

Yet most still fail to see unity in this mosaic of life

Wouldn’t it be great to not be so walled up

To live and love to grow and learn

Yet just like a mosaics beauty and story

We are all still broken pieces 

Just needing to be placed

Sea

Easing barefooted along the cliffside

To feel the breeze along my body

I gaze out to the sea and think

Letting my thoughts flow with the waves

More than anything to know what’s in the open 

Content just to sit on this cliff 

Still that fear of plummeting

Yet I’m comforted by the unknowing

The wind that could carry me or keep me steady

I do nothing but close my eyes

As I step outside myself to regain sail again

My Niche

Hello everyone, I hope all is well and that you all continue to stay safe, well, peaceful, and as content as possible amid the world chaos. Today I have decided to take a risk, a jump, a dive, to share with you all something I have actually been hesitant about sharing because I wanted to keep it separate from my Poetry/Blog. However this is a part of me. It is my niche and I have started this journey awhile back. Now I wish to share it in hopes that it may inspire others to follow their heart and niche and never give up. First I would like to give a little backstory. As many of you know that have kept up with my writing I am a survivor of past abuse, I also have a learning disability that I am still trying to embrace, and I am studying to be a Personal Trainor. I did graduate college in 2006 with an Associates in Science towards Psychology Degree but due to finances and due to my learning challenges I did not continue. I initially wished to be a counselor for victims of abuse. Paths change and at times obstacles can make those paths change. After several jobs in life, ending up needing to pursue Therapy for my own mental and emotional health to heal from the trauma I endured as a child/teen I had many hard times figuring out who I was as a person, what my purpose was, and how I was to make my mark on this earth. A few years ago I decided to study to be a Personal Trainer. I failed the Exam many times and I actually have my retake this month on the 22nd. I will not give up. When I do become certified as a Personal Trainer I have some goals in mind. Eventually when I get to the point in life of becoming financially stable with my profession I wish to donate to places that I care deeply about. One day I will get there. No matter how long it takes me. I made a promise to myself, to my mom especially as she is an inspiration to me too (thank you mom I love you and always will and if you are reading this just know I couldn’t be prouder of having you as my mom no matter what we faced!) I will NEVER give up! I also wish to show my son that anything is possible with a little self patience and determination. Have I felt like giving up during my life? Yes I have. At 38 years old I definitely thought I would have made something of myself by now but you know what? I did. In my own way. Maybe not exactly how I hoped but I am and will get there. One day. As all of you will too. That is my wish for any of you and to carry that on. Do something with your niche and help people in this world. That is the most important thing we can do to make this world a better place. Share our stories, our goals, leave behind legacies. Thank you all my wordpress family as I call you for believing in me as I believe in each of you. With that said I will now share my niche, my work, and I hope you enjoy! I add more of my work over time. Please continue to spread Peace and Love in this world!

~Sara-Loretta Hardin~

https://weltfriedenstellacraftboutique.webnode.com/online-store/

 

Celestial

Existential planes otherworldly realms

My soul wants more of the unknown

Unanswered reasonings of life purposes

My own endearing subconscious to cleanse

Hauntings of the past not yet in remission

Truth I seek but not yet gain not even here

Within my weaknesses lies strength to hang on

If nothing else to just flow in life and search

Yearning for celestial escape for my mind

While yet still landing in reality

I keep one arm stretched out to the sky 

Outspokenness

Hello everyone, I hope all are staying as safe and well as possible and may you all enjoy the Holidays between social distancing the best you can with family and friends. I wished to speak on something that is all too familiar to me and to some of you: Outspokenness. It is something that I am quite diligent about and sometimes to the point that I have failed to gather my facts more thoroughly before doing so. I think we all are guilty of that at times and it doesn’t mean we are horrible people. We are who we are due to what any of us have endured and that is also a huge factor in how we handle things present day. Many of you whom have followed my Poetry/Blog and read my writings know that I am a survivor of past abuse by my ex-stepfather. Never in my life did I wish to use what I endured as an excuse for how outspoken I am now. However due to the things that happened to me I did not have a voice and a way to express myself in a healthy manner during those times. I couldn’t have a voice. Therefore as years went by I made a promise to myself that I would have a voice and never allow anyone or anything to take that from me again like he did. With that said some people who do not get to know me or try to understand me may perceive me completely other than I intend. As I am a very sensitive person I also have a barrier of self protection. One of my problems is that I have the tendency to need to be outspoken about everything in life and sometimes even when I think I have looked at every angle there is an angle I forget to see. Now I am one and always have been one to apologize and acknowledge my own mistakes. I am not perfect as no one is. I am sure my loved ones can attest to the fact that I needed to tone down my outspokenness in the past but I have come a long way throughout the years whilst in Therapy for healing from the abuse I endured. It’s still a process. I never meant to hurt anyone with my outspokenness. I just got to a point where I was tired of being walked over, lied to, hurt, and then some. My outspokenness is for myself, for my protection, my sanity, but also for what I stand for in this life for humanity. Maybe some are afraid of that but maybe I can come across a certain way I don’t mean to. Sometimes though maybe we all can take something from listening to someone else’s perspective. We can learn from each other. Being outspoken can feel like a curse sometimes but we should always be outspoken, maybe just tone it down a little for some personalities. Each person is different and handles things differently due to their upbringing. Sometimes we are loud and say we understand but do we really? Do we take the time to understand another persons perspective while keeping our voice? I try my best to although I have at times maybe read into things too much or assumed the worst. Maybe it was my self protection but to the person it was taken as my outspokenness uncalled for or too sensitive or too intense. I think we all should self reflect and ask ourselves why we reacted or feel the way we do. Try to understand another persons outspokenness as well before judging. Now I do not condone the A-holes of the world obviously so disregard that for them. However try to see why you may be intense with your outspokenness at times and try to see if it is worth it or how to maybe go about a conflict or resolution differently. In all reality none of us are mind readers. None of us can see what either of us have been through. Maybe as a society we can try to be better with how we go about our outspokenness depending on circumstances. We may find a better understanding of ourselves when we do and when you know you are the one that is wrong make sure you apologize sincerely. Help yourself gather all the facts and try not to overthink unless there is a reason to. You will save yourself unnecessary turmoil. Be yourself without regrets. 

Peace, Love, and Light

Sara-Loretta Hardin

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