Trust Gone

Taking all the pieces inside

Shaving every fiber off to a thin surface

A disguise but a sheer design 

Convincing myself all is truth

Yet life is but a lie set in front of me

Placed here in this realm of what

Speaks these kind flowing gentle kisses

Betraying senses of the ears so true

Everything you think what was

Standing before the wall is darkness

A shadow of reflection of deceit

Poisoning the air like vapors

Consuming like death to a corpse

Trust gone heart dissipates 

Solace

We seek solace at random intervals

Sometimes it stands right before us 

As a mimic a reflection of your heart

An impact that may be decibels incomprehensible

Only you know because you feel it through you

Systemically uplifting while embracing

Fervently grounded and interlocked

No longer dubious in that sense

Only Solace won’t let you fall

Peace For ALL Humans

This post may offend some but I cannot put this off much longer. First of all I DO NOT in any way condone racism in any form or fashion and all of you whom read my posts know that of me and the ones whom are in my life know that of me. However things going on present day are getting ridiculous because there is a fine line between peaceful protesting and outright causing more rift between what is already going on in society. 

In watching and reading the news lately I choose very carefully in what to believe and I develop my own opinion because everything can become so distorted and tainted by hearsay by the media and people in general pitting one another against each other. It is very sickening and disheartening. However lately one of the most disturbing things to me besides the killings of innocent individuals is also how these peaceful protests that were supposed to be peaceful have turned violent.

While most of the protesters from various backgrounds have been very peaceful there have been various individuals whom have looted, have vandalized, have hurt others, destroyed buildings, and put forth an image against themselves that have caused an impact in how some people view what is going on and intensifies the situation at hand even more. 

There is no excuse whatsoever for this type of behavior. I feel that no matter the anger or the hurt we as a people as a society need to hold ourselves accountable for our actions and if peaceful protests are not being held then there should be repercussions. 

Do I think it’s right for police officers to use rubber bullets and excessive force as they please? No I do not. However I do feel that they have a right to protect the people and they have a right to protect themselves. Just like not all people from specific communities are bad, not all police officers are bad. The saying that a basket of apples that has one bad apple doesn’t make the entire basket of apples bad right? The point is we cannot judge all humans based on the complete ignorance and stupidity of a handful. 

I also feel that taking Statues, taking flags down, taking things that represent History for the sole purpose of learning and not repeating the same idiocies is the biggest mistake that society can make and it will cause nothing but more catastrophes. We as humans need to keep these symbolic items to teach our future generations why they were there to begin with and what not to repeat. Think about that if you value our future as a society. 

Love, Compassion, Understanding, Empathy, Communication are the main components for Humans to learn to grow and Unite. No one is perfect and no one is going to agree on everything but one can learn to be more understanding and learn to be accepting rather than hateful. Learn to set your differences aside. You may actually learn something about one another. Remember we all came from someplace. We all breathe the same air. 

Next time you talk to your kids about what is going on yes teach them to be proud of where they come from and to embrace the color of their skin but do yourself a favor and teach them to also embrace History and not be afraid to learn about it and move forward while still standing up for what they believe in. Don’t shut it out. 

Please continue to spread Peace, Love, and Light in this world of chaos,

~Sara-Loretta Hardin~ 

Pieces

These pieces that lay beneath me

Revolting like scars on the soul

Tiny reflections of broken memories 

Warped through a black hole in time

Nothingness and pain delved into one

Pits of hell would feel like angel kisses

Instead the sheer strike of darkness enters

Reopens every last bit of what once was

Just as almost sealed as hoped to be

Perpetuating immense sadness

Killing the new bloom of a budded Rose

What once was on the road to heal

Diffused within the corridors of protection

Ruined by a coil of haunting projectiles

In dreams never ending striking over and over

What is left of a rose that once was

Is but a hollow piece of glass 

 

Place

In my mind there’s a place

I go so far from myself that not even particles can see

Beckoning my soul to follow and disappear to never be found

The tears fall from emptiness no longer there

It’s all that lingers anymore between the lines of motion

Hollow surfaces and webs of feelings and numbness withering

Destructing my inner being to once more that I was

A flower with silkened petals turned to ash no matter the bloom

A place in my mind to go so beautiful yet so haunting

Will you go with me though I’m different

I cannot be the dove that perches fervently along my window

Though it is clear that what you see before is me

The place in my mind echos with my heart and soul

No longer wanting to settle in a realm of broken mirrors

Reflecting spaces of water and tide among myself

Currents in the place of my mind take me down

Whole mind whole spirit whole being gone

Complete darkness and shards of glass everywhere

Wind in the place of emotions to carry what once was

Place in my mind that is no more but never ending emotions

Consuming all that’s left of me

My being my soul

The air I breathe

In the place in my mind

Beam Me Up Spock

Everything that is going on right now has made me realize more and more though I always knew this, that the majority of humans are self absorbed, ignorant jerks. I always try to look at the bright side of things but it’s getting harder and harder especially because it seems like not a day goes by that I don’t run in to some self absorbed jerk of a human. Of course we are all human and because of that we make mistakes, hopefully learn from mistakes, carry on and therefore do better because no one is perfect. However, what gave humans the right to treat one another with cruelty and hypocrisy? I guess my world of spreading peace, love, compassion, and so forth is far fetched am I right?

Many of you readers on here who have read my writings or my poetry know that I am a huge supporter of mental health awareness. As I’ve said before we all have our stories, we all have had our share of internal or external turmoil but some of us decide to pick that flower instead of the beast. I suffer with continuous PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression due to the past abuse I endured and I cannot tell you how hard it is to wake up every day and function in society. It is different for each of us that have any type of mental disorder. Do I use it as an excuse? No. Have I ever? No. I choose to pick the flower instead of the beast. Daily I struggle but I choose to be kind to others, I choose to live life to the best of my ability and keep on going even when I feel like giving up. Society makes me want to give up but I don’t.

Humans have failed in so many ways. We have failed one another as humans, friends, lovers, family, and as a general whole to keep this world together. Not perfection but just sanely functioning as a compassionate support system which is how I always dreamed the world should be. I guess I can continue to dream this fantasy of mine.

There are times where instead of the infamous “Beam me up Scottie!” line from Star Trek, I actually think in my head or say “Beam me up Spock!” since Spock was always my favorite. I say that because it is a humorous way for me to get through the bad days if I happen to have an encounter with a jerk or just feel out of my element. I am sure many of you can relate to that feeling. It is a figure of speech though some people unfortunately have acted upon their own figures of speech and some wonderful souls have been lost in this world to suicide. To some it may seem they took the coward or selfish way out but sometimes it is not that. Sometimes it is how cruel society has become and drove some to the brink of death or wanting to die. 

A friend of mine committed suicide in High School. I’ll never forget that. I will say that there are signs that are either right in front of you or there are silent signs. My point is be kinder, be sincerely yourself and be there for people and not just the people in your circle. Be a smile or a light in someone’s life because you never know when you may need it the most or the impact you may have on that person for the rest of your life. Some of the most vulnerable people are not the ones to be afraid of. They sometimes are a light that need electricity to help their own soul stay alive. The vulnerable are not what some consider the weak, the crazy, the attention seekers, the weirdos, or the outspoken. They are like you and I and some others that just care so much and are trying to find a balance in this world of chaos. 

I’m grateful for my loved ones and my few true friends and even strangers I have met that in their own way help keep me grounded and help spare me the literal portion of “Beam me up Spock!”… Without any of them I would not have the strength to continue in this world of self absorbed humans. 

Be kind to people in this shit hole called earth. The Universe is disgusted and so am I.

Peace, Love, Bliss, and don’t give up,

~Sara-Loretta Hardin~

 

Flight

The waves look peaceful in the distance

My soul desires flight in the open air

Nothing to hold me back while I discover

A place that I can escape the world

To feel isolated from its endless chaos

To hold my breath, my heart, 

Free flight without judgement

Save me from myself

With flight

I may become whole again

Random Earthly Connections

To many I am Sara-Loretta, to my gamer friends I am Lersania, to some I am nothing, and to some I am something. Whichever it may be I am just that, just myself. The one thing that I have had mentioned to my very few true friends is that I wish the ones that live so far away were easier to just go spontaneously visit. Something that many of you I am sure can understand and relate to is the random connections among strangers that you eventually become close to. Those friendships of mine I cherish and those individuals I hope will always know that loyalty and honesty is something I appreciate and reciprocate. 

I truly believe that childhood experiences can have an affect on connections we as humans make in adulthood but I also feel that when we have endured trauma we tend to have insecurities that can either help or hinder us in those connections with people. Natural instinct for myself is a wall. To protect myself but also to get a sense of the person. If I read you and let my guard down and let myself become vulnerable two things come to my mind. 1. Will I get hurt 2. Will I scare the person off….. In this world I never felt good enough so in a way I think that friendships can make a person feel validated. The problem with that though is that if you don’t feel good about yourself you will constantly question the genuine sincerity of a friend. 

You have to know you are good enough for yourself and deserving of the friendship. Sometimes I think it is better to be upfront especially in society today. There are enough broken individuals where we need to try to be there for one another. It doesn’t mean suck someone down into the deep abyss with you or let them suck you down. It means never judge a book by it’s cover so you get to enchant on an amazing story with people you never met before that could be one of the most gratifying journeys in this life to learn and grow with. Be yourself. 

Sometimes I apologize for who I am as a person. Word of advice from a few who told me the same thing. Don’t. Never apologize for being undeniable uniquely you. What I went through made me who I am. The right people will appear in my life. Ones that embrace me as I need to embrace myself. I’m still a work in progress. We all are.

The connections I have with some people in my life whether near or far I appreciate more than you all know. Those connections I do not have with everyone but when I do have a connection with someone it’s real, special, my heart and soul, so keep it safe please. 

Spread Peace, Love, and Light amid chaos in the world,

Sara-Loretta Hardin

Picture: Today (1/23/20) Hi it’s me and our family dog Max!

Jan2020

Picture: Just me in 2014……Nostalgia with nature!

breathe

Unfolding

To breathe your soul in

Knowing and not knowing

Lost in space and time

Just wanting to feel

I wall up with guard down

Immense desire for truth and light

To guide me above

Which consumes my soul

Drowning in my own senses

No denying

Just as a whispers caress

A New Beginning

First I would like to wish everyone of you amazing humans on here a wonderful Year. I do not have those so called New Years Resolutions because they have a bit of a cliche. So what I do is hope for a better year ahead, learning from any mistakes or regrets and continue to never give up even when I feel like giving up. I’m grateful for every person in my life in distance or close that has made an impact on giving me the strength to continue going on in this chaotic world. My little family, my few true friends, and even you strangers who are not necessarily strangers on here mean the world to me. Sometimes I don’t know how I make it in this world because though I know there are people worse off my past constantly tries to haunt me and bring me down. Though I know none of it was my fault I still carry the weight of it with me as I do with what goes on in the world. Sometimes it hurts to feel. It eats at my heart and every fiber in me and sometimes I don’t know how I handle it and I cannot handle it and I have a momentary breakdown. All I know is each day is a new beginning and no matter how many times you fall you get back up, no matter how many times you breakdown you keep getting up. You cannot allow yourself or the world to defeat you. With every new beginning one thing never changes and that is the love I have for ones dearest to me, the love I have for all of you humans out there that need it, my own unconditional love that I can say will never change because it is part of who I am and even if it may frighten some people away I will never change because with my new beginning “Love” is what I choose to keep in my heart and even when I am so angry at my past abuser in those moments the love inside of me stays. Not for that person but for myself, for my sanity. So when I reach out the heart inside of me has always and will always be my new beginning that keeps me going. Spread Love and peace in this hateful world and when you feel angry acknowledge it but don’t feed into it. Happy New Year. 

Kind Regards,

Sara-Loretta Hardin

 

 

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