Flight

The waves look peaceful in the distance

My soul desires flight in the open air

Nothing to hold me back while I discover

A place that I can escape the world

To feel isolated from its endless chaos

To hold my breath, my heart, 

Free flight without judgement

Save me from myself

With flight

I may become whole again

Random Earthly Connections

To many I am Sara-Loretta, to my gamer friends I am Lersania, to some I am nothing, and to some I am something. Whichever it may be I am just that, just myself. The one thing that I have had mentioned to my very few true friends is that I wish the ones that live so far away were easier to just go spontaneously visit. Something that many of you I am sure can understand and relate to is the random connections among strangers that you eventually become close to. Those friendships of mine I cherish and those individuals I hope will always know that loyalty and honesty is something I appreciate and reciprocate. 

I truly believe that childhood experiences can have an affect on connections we as humans make in adulthood but I also feel that when we have endured trauma we tend to have insecurities that can either help or hinder us in those connections with people. Natural instinct for myself is a wall. To protect myself but also to get a sense of the person. If I read you and let my guard down and let myself become vulnerable two things come to my mind. 1. Will I get hurt 2. Will I scare the person off….. In this world I never felt good enough so in a way I think that friendships can make a person feel validated. The problem with that though is that if you don’t feel good about yourself you will constantly question the genuine sincerity of a friend. 

You have to know you are good enough for yourself and deserving of the friendship. Sometimes I think it is better to be upfront especially in society today. There are enough broken individuals where we need to try to be there for one another. It doesn’t mean suck someone down into the deep abyss with you or let them suck you down. It means never judge a book by it’s cover so you get to enchant on an amazing story with people you never met before that could be one of the most gratifying journeys in this life to learn and grow with. Be yourself. 

Sometimes I apologize for who I am as a person. Word of advice from a few who told me the same thing. Don’t. Never apologize for being undeniable uniquely you. What I went through made me who I am. The right people will appear in my life. Ones that embrace me as I need to embrace myself. I’m still a work in progress. We all are.

The connections I have with some people in my life whether near or far I appreciate more than you all know. Those connections I do not have with everyone but when I do have a connection with someone it’s real, special, my heart and soul, so keep it safe please. 

Spread Peace, Love, and Light amid chaos in the world,

Sara-Loretta Hardin

Picture: Today (1/23/20) Hi it’s me and our family dog Max!

Jan2020

Picture: Just me in 2014……Nostalgia with nature!

breathe

Unfolding

To breathe your soul in

Knowing and not knowing

Lost in space and time

Just wanting to feel

I wall up with guard down

Immense desire for truth and light

To guide me above

Which consumes my soul

Drowning in my own senses

No denying

Just as a whispers caress

A New Beginning

First I would like to wish everyone of you amazing humans on here a wonderful Year. I do not have those so called New Years Resolutions because they have a bit of a cliche. So what I do is hope for a better year ahead, learning from any mistakes or regrets and continue to never give up even when I feel like giving up. I’m grateful for every person in my life in distance or close that has made an impact on giving me the strength to continue going on in this chaotic world. My little family, my few true friends, and even you strangers who are not necessarily strangers on here mean the world to me. Sometimes I don’t know how I make it in this world because though I know there are people worse off my past constantly tries to haunt me and bring me down. Though I know none of it was my fault I still carry the weight of it with me as I do with what goes on in the world. Sometimes it hurts to feel. It eats at my heart and every fiber in me and sometimes I don’t know how I handle it and I cannot handle it and I have a momentary breakdown. All I know is each day is a new beginning and no matter how many times you fall you get back up, no matter how many times you breakdown you keep getting up. You cannot allow yourself or the world to defeat you. With every new beginning one thing never changes and that is the love I have for ones dearest to me, the love I have for all of you humans out there that need it, my own unconditional love that I can say will never change because it is part of who I am and even if it may frighten some people away I will never change because with my new beginning “Love” is what I choose to keep in my heart and even when I am so angry at my past abuser in those moments the love inside of me stays. Not for that person but for myself, for my sanity. So when I reach out the heart inside of me has always and will always be my new beginning that keeps me going. Spread Love and peace in this hateful world and when you feel angry acknowledge it but don’t feed into it. Happy New Year. 

Kind Regards,

Sara-Loretta Hardin

 

 

Meanings

When we look at meanings of everything around us we tend to find both the good and the bad. Sometimes it can hurt and sometimes it can be wonderful and fulfilling. Yet when we look at every angle the meanings become overwhelming. You don’t know what to do whether to inhale the meaning of another meaning and let it go its cycle of meanings. Sometimes it all makes no sense. That’s why we are all human. We don’t make sense to others or even ourselves at times. What we say or do has meanings and even what we present or write has meanings. Yet we all still search as our souls are empty just lurking about looking for meanings. Then suddenly it can backfire and become meaningless but within that meaningless is a meaning and that is to continue to live and search and learn and love to our hearts content. 

Thoughts

 

In pondering about what I wish to do with my life in the next few years I cannot help but think that I will keep failing. My thoughts keep taking over and bringing me down further into self doubt. Though I have learned to embrace my learning disability more over time I am still having a difficult time when I fail. Sometimes I just wish I was an average person. I want to feel smart and beautiful and whole. Though I have a family I don’t feel my self worth is where it needs to be. Continuously a work in progress. Sometimes I just don’t know if I have the energy for it and I find it hard to keep myself afloat. My heart feels heavy and I want to flee from myself. In being as positive as I can be and finding the words to hopefully comfort others I find it difficult to tell myself the same things. It’s the strangest feeling and I do not know how to take compliments. I know I need to accept good things people say about me but I can’t so I just say a mere “thank you”. Sometimes I think that I won’t ever reach my goals and though I won’t give up I feel so inadequate. However there are times where people in society can make me feel that way. It’s something that I am sad to say I am used to. I guess it’s easier for others to treat people a certain way instead of working on their own flaws. That is something that makes me so upset. The world would be a better place if people would worry more about making themselves a better person and stop judging everyone else around them. Truth hurts doesn’t it? I’m definitely one for being outspoken though I have learned to tone it down a bit. It’s true what they say that your past is what makes you who you are. I guess I can agree to that but I won’t let it define me.

WAVES

Waves rushing in

Carry me away again

Inevitably slowing me down

The horizon but a glimpse ahead

Yet I’m swept back again

I can’t breath

Don’t want to drown

But I can’t find ground

I keep going under

Slowly dying from the pain inside

Every time I try

It all encompasses me

No direction just a broken arrow

Too much to choose

No smooth waves to ride

My body cold and numb

The world has drowned me once again

But not for long

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