Friendship? Whats that?

To me friendship is a two-way street. It is when no matter what the feelings are reciprocated and the contact stays through all the roads in life. True friendship is where the individuals fully accept one another without expecting anything. I may sound like I contradicted myself when I say this but I do expect mutual contact. My whole life of friendships I have pretty much been the main one on the friendship road to keep in contact, reach out, care, listen, be there, be the first person to ask how the other person is doing. I am not a desperate person but just as any human I desire friendship. True friendship.

I have some friends who I have reached out to and most of them are very busy which is understandable but that’s called life we all are busy. What bothers me more are not those friendships but the ones where they act like they want to be my friend but feel obligated to. The ones that cannot even be honest with themselves let alone anyone else in the world. I am the type of person if you don’t like me then more power to you. But grow some balls and lay it out on the table. No hard feelings. I have too many friends that are not really friends. I think they don’t have the guts to tell me: Hey I really don’t like this friendship with you and I really think you are too weird. It does not bother me if they were to think that. What bothers me is the dishonesty. The lack of compassion to have the decency to tell someone how they really feel. I would not call myself a loner but I will say this: If I was to stop contacting any of my friends and reach out to them I guarantee you all that I would rarely have a single friend just out of nowhere reach out to me and ask “How are you doing?” or “Is everything ok?”. I can honestly say I can count that on one hand and maybe not even one hand on who would voluntarily reach out to me. I am tired of being the main one on the two-way friendship street. I have had it. Friendship is not a popularity contest but I always hope that as much compassion, honesty, loyalty, and respect I put in a friendship that it would be reciprocated.

Do I care what any of my friends think after reading this? No I don’t because maybe it will open their eyes a little and try to see things from a different perspective. Some of them need to realize that they are lucky to have a friend like me. Try to find true friends like that around. Good luck. Not to sound conceited but I have had it. Either my friends are in my life or they are not but I am no longer going to pour my heart out. There are others out there that are more deserving for my friendship. That’s the way I see it now. So to my friends who are reading this: if you give a damn about me I wouldn’t be the main one always to stay in contact so goodbye. After writing this I already feel so much better. I hope this will help give people some insight to be kinder to those around you, have the decency to be honest, realize who your true friends are, and give people chances because you never know what great friendships you may be missing out on. Thank you for viewing. 

Hell

If given the choice 

She would have rather died

Than come into this world

Seeing flames towering from above

Pits of everlasting doom

Born into a world she has no control over

Hoping things will change

They never will

Out of place in this world of hate 

A hell in its own

She screams Peace so loud

Her lungs burst

No longer breathing

Holding on but the fire unbearable

Quit suffocating me she says to herself

A world of hell is nothing compared to internal hell

She wants to rise above it all

Knowing one day she will live in a peaceful world

But that wont be reality until her last breath

For now there is still much to live for

Don’t let yourself die

You’re the peace in this world after all

Invisible

She sits there and brushes her hair

Strand by strand

Looks into the mirror but sees nothing

No reflection of energy

Yet has so much to give and love

She does not see her being

With each brush yet no feeling

When will the numbness go

Dead inside yet alive

Somehow trapped between

Her subconscious

Her reality

Death surrounds us all

We walk with the living

Only invisible