Thoughts

 

In pondering about what I wish to do with my life in the next few years I cannot help but think that I will keep failing. My thoughts keep taking over and bringing me down further into self doubt. Though I have learned to embrace my learning disability more over time I am still having a difficult time when I fail. Sometimes I just wish I was an average person. I want to feel smart and beautiful and whole. Though I have a family I don’t feel my self worth is where it needs to be. Continuously a work in progress. Sometimes I just don’t know if I have the energy for it and I find it hard to keep myself afloat. My heart feels heavy and I want to flee from myself. In being as positive as I can be and finding the words to hopefully comfort others I find it difficult to tell myself the same things. It’s the strangest feeling and I do not know how to take compliments. I know I need to accept good things people say about me but I can’t so I just say a mere “thank you”. Sometimes I think that I won’t ever reach my goals and though I won’t give up I feel so inadequate. However there are times where people in society can make me feel that way. It’s something that I am sad to say I am used to. I guess it’s easier for others to treat people a certain way instead of working on their own flaws. That is something that makes me so upset. The world would be a better place if people would worry more about making themselves a better person and stop judging everyone else around them. Truth hurts doesn’t it? I’m definitely one for being outspoken though I have learned to tone it down a bit. It’s true what they say that your past is what makes you who you are. I guess I can agree to that but I won’t let it define me.

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