Place

In my mind there’s a place

I go so far from myself that not even particles can see

Beckoning my soul to follow and disappear to never be found

The tears fall from emptiness no longer there

It’s all that lingers anymore between the lines of motion

Hollow surfaces and webs of feelings and numbness withering

Destructing my inner being to once more that I was

A flower with silkened petals turned to ash no matter the bloom

A place in my mind to go so beautiful yet so haunting

Will you go with me though I’m different

I cannot be the dove that perches fervently along my window

Though it is clear that what you see before is me

The place in my mind echos with my heart and soul

No longer wanting to settle in a realm of broken mirrors

Reflecting spaces of water and tide among myself

Currents in the place of my mind take me down

Whole mind whole spirit whole being gone

Complete darkness and shards of glass everywhere

Wind in the place of emotions to carry what once was

Place in my mind that is no more but never ending emotions

Consuming all that’s left of me

My being my soul

The air I breathe

In the place in my mind

Beam Me Up Spock

Everything that is going on right now has made me realize more and more though I always knew this, that the majority of humans are self absorbed, ignorant jerks. I always try to look at the bright side of things but it’s getting harder and harder especially because it seems like not a day goes by that I don’t run in to some self absorbed jerk of a human. Of course we are all human and because of that we make mistakes, hopefully learn from mistakes, carry on and therefore do better because no one is perfect. However, what gave humans the right to treat one another with cruelty and hypocrisy? I guess my world of spreading peace, love, compassion, and so forth is far fetched am I right?

Many of you readers on here who have read my writings or my poetry know that I am a huge supporter of mental health awareness. As I’ve said before we all have our stories, we all have had our share of internal or external turmoil but some of us decide to pick that flower instead of the beast. I suffer with continuous PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression due to the past abuse I endured and I cannot tell you how hard it is to wake up every day and function in society. It is different for each of us that have any type of mental disorder. Do I use it as an excuse? No. Have I ever? No. I choose to pick the flower instead of the beast. Daily I struggle but I choose to be kind to others, I choose to live life to the best of my ability and keep on going even when I feel like giving up. Society makes me want to give up but I don’t.

Humans have failed in so many ways. We have failed one another as humans, friends, lovers, family, and as a general whole to keep this world together. Not perfection but just sanely functioning as a compassionate support system which is how I always dreamed the world should be. I guess I can continue to dream this fantasy of mine.

There are times where instead of the infamous “Beam me up Scottie!” line from Star Trek, I actually think in my head or say “Beam me up Spock!” since Spock was always my favorite. I say that because it is a humorous way for me to get through the bad days if I happen to have an encounter with a jerk or just feel out of my element. I am sure many of you can relate to that feeling. It is a figure of speech though some people unfortunately have acted upon their own figures of speech and some wonderful souls have been lost in this world to suicide. To some it may seem they took the coward or selfish way out but sometimes it is not that. Sometimes it is how cruel society has become and drove some to the brink of death or wanting to die. 

A friend of mine committed suicide in High School. I’ll never forget that. I will say that there are signs that are either right in front of you or there are silent signs. My point is be kinder, be sincerely yourself and be there for people and not just the people in your circle. Be a smile or a light in someone’s life because you never know when you may need it the most or the impact you may have on that person for the rest of your life. Some of the most vulnerable people are not the ones to be afraid of. They sometimes are a light that need electricity to help their own soul stay alive. The vulnerable are not what some consider the weak, the crazy, the attention seekers, the weirdos, or the outspoken. They are like you and I and some others that just care so much and are trying to find a balance in this world of chaos. 

I’m grateful for my loved ones and my few true friends and even strangers I have met that in their own way help keep me grounded and help spare me the literal portion of “Beam me up Spock!”… Without any of them I would not have the strength to continue in this world of self absorbed humans. 

Be kind to people in this shit hole called earth. The Universe is disgusted and so am I.

Peace, Love, Bliss, and don’t give up,

~Sara-Loretta Hardin~