WHY

Logically we question Why

The answer is nowhere to be found

Life we live must be lived, cherished, learned, continued

Tearing ourselves apart

Searching for Why

Can’t we see there is no Why

There is Do 

There is Help

There is Change

Then memories follow

The “Why” is just a portal

 

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Balance

Electricity pulsating through my veins

Shuddering though unable to move

Memories too painful to breathe

I die with unbearable strain

electric impulses killing off every cell 

memories disappearing slowly 

Fading into nothing but numbness

No balance when nothing left to grasp on to 

Just broken impulses of energy

Notes

Pieces falling against my skin

Sharp edges and crumbled bits

Fading words deaf to the world

Truth flows from the creases folding on and on

The paper weights won’t keep them down

I fly with each piece each word

Sharp edges won’t stop me

Pain made me into notes the notes that flow

Words that soar and go 

Paper smooth across my floating soul

Notes of me

Flesh

I want to tear through my flesh

Until the blood drips clear

No mending, no pain

Swarming around as my body lays

The puddle so deep no longer red

Disappearing as I take my last breath

I’ve been dead

Woven

The nerving wreckage between my hands, the bleeding shards of memories 

I don’t want to breathe and feel the scars crushing my soul

Sinking and swimming I continue though I fail a thousand times

Love keeps me going to salvage my own identity

It keeps me alive inside otherwise my own corpse would be my shadow

Walking each step forward and several back then forward again

My feathers frayed and I still try to fly… I do

People

People

I could claw at my being the way your hate burns me from the inside out

Turning one to one to another against each other through fetishes of turmoil

You make me want to crawl into a hole because the darkness of it outshines what you show the world

Escape will never come until I’m gone but until then I fight

I fight against the hate, the bigotry, the world as it presents itself regardless of ethnicity

Until my last breath I will be myself, I will be human

Go ahead and categorize me without knowing me

At least when I die I will have died knowing that I gave a shit

Pure fucking compassion

That’s me

Always crying for People

People that don’t give a shit

But I do……I always will

I love you all

I want to love me too

So please let me

 

No Forgiveness Deserved

With everything that has been in the news whether whole truth or partial truth because lets face it who the hell knows what to believe anymore in the media, I find myself fuming. 

There are two subjects that hit me hardest and that is: Abuse and Child Molesters (Rapists, Pedophiles, whatever the hell it’s the same damn category)……..

As I am not a violent person I cannot begin to describe how it upsets me when people that have done these things get away with it. Some of you may think I am crazy for saying this but I believe in capital punishment especially for child molesters, rapists, etc. 

I sit here and I try to type and cannot even think clearly because it bothers me so. Not only did I endure abuse but I was molested too by a man I wish was dead. Many people out there have their stories and yet no amount of therapy and no amount of support can ever take those memories away. 

Forgiveness is so easily thrown into sentences, forgiveness to go on, forgiveness not necessarily for the perpetrator but for yourself so you can move on. Advice greatly appreciated. I’m still not able to forgive. I cannot forgive what still haunts me.

I want to tell any of you that have been abused or molested/raped that it is not your fault. You have to make sure you keep telling yourself that. 

This is harder than I thought writing on this. I’m sorry. If any of you are still haunted just know that someone somewhere out there cares. I do. I care. I may be a stranger but we all have our stories. 

For all you abusers and child molesters out there I hope you all fucking rot. Capital punishment in the form of public hanging should never have been outlawed because people like yourselves who abuse and molest/rape people deserve to die and deserve no forgiveness. I’m not sorry for stating this. I’m speaking on behalf of survivors!!!! 

 

 

 

 

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